Where's Honey...Last Day

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw this big cathedral.  I swear, it’s bigger than the other one.  I about walked my legs off seeing all this stuff, and I’m getting lonesome for Sassy and Pickles—especially Pickles, since I can ride instead of walk.  Diane might have warned me so I could get some of those fancy shoes like she’s got.  She called ’em cross-trainers.  I don’t know what she was crossin’.  The bridge, I expect.  And another thing—these folks don’t know how to pronounce things.  Even so, they’ve been good to us.

I’ve spent a week here, and even with all the interesting things to see, I’m ready to head back to Fry Pan Gulch, which we done later in the day.  First, though, she took me to visit a war room.  These fancy cities do things different than us folks out West.  We don’t have war in a room—we use up the whole danged land.  Besides, these fellers didn’t look too fierce to me.  I could’ve pulled on any one or all of ’em.   Diane wouldn’t let me try them, though.  Said they was wax.  She hurried me out and bought me a cup of hot coffee.  Now that was a real treat.  

I have to tell you about that big steel bird called an airplane.  Honest, we flew up in the air just like a bird, only we didn’t have to flap our arms.  You get a comfortable chair, a cold beer (about damn time), I read MUCH ADO ABOUT MINERS—pretty danged good story—and took a snooze with Sassy.  How Diane got her on the plane, I have no idea.

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Where's Honey...Day 7

Let me tell you, they have fancy jails in these parts—ain’t at all like the one in Fry Pan Gulch.  

Some guards in funny-looking clothes took us on a tour—they’re called Beefeaters.  Hell, everyone eats beef where I come from.  Turns out, the Beefeaters used to guard the prisoners and take them to get their heads chopped off, and that includes queens.  

I tried on a crown but decided I’d rather keep my head than be a queen.  Not sure what queens do, and anyway my own hat is a lot more comfortable.  Then one of them Beefeaters wanted Diane come with him.  After hearing about heads rolling, I put the kibosh on that.

You can’t lose track of time in this city—they’ve got the biggest clock I ever did see.  And there ain’t much that’s more fun that a marching band.  I hung around the fellows for a while and next thing you know... well, you can see the picture.  Diane gave me a good ribbin’ about that.  I’m still waiting on that hot coffee she promised.  

Anyway, then we went to see a monument of women warriors.  Us gals is generally overlooked so I was right glad to see it.  Then we went to a church that made the Fry Pan Gulch church look like a dollhouse.

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Where's Honey...Day 6

I was always a sucker for fantastical stories, so Diane took me to a place where you run through the wall.  I saw a lot of bouncing.  Guess they didn’t hold their mouths right or some such.  

Meantime, as we walked down the street this greenhorn wizard from Slytherin attacked Diane, so I had to make sure she held her own, which she did.  She’s short but she’s tough, I’ll give her that.  Maybe I’ll take her to Silver City with me—she’d have a good time what with all the... well, she’d have a good time.  Said she’d come for a visit June 17 and would bring her friends.

Who’d have reckoned I’d find a cow in the big city?  She ain’t too lively, though, and likely gives concrete milk.  

Diane took me to see a special friend of hers—a big stone feller with a funny looking hat.  She told me he solves crimes by using logic.  

Have you noticed half the people and animals over here are made out of rock?  But not all of them.  The rest of the folks in the city are jammed in these little underground railroad cars, only you can’t tell where one car ends and another begins.  It’s like this giant metal worm that eats people.  All right, I’ll cut that out.  Mama always said I had more imagination than good sense. 

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Where's Honey...Day 5

We had quite a day.  Why Diane thought I’d want to see a bunch of sheep is a puzzler.  I come from cattle country, even though I ain’t never worked cattle in my life.  The important word there is “work.”  Enough said.  Anyhow, back to the sheep.  You see ‘em everywhere.  

Then Diane and her feller took me to this great big pasture.  Instead of growing trees, they grow rocks here, which is probably why they can’t afford to cool their beer.  More about that later.  Diane said some ancient people built this structure.  They forgot the walls and roof, but other than that, it’s downright impressive.  I had to keep an eye on Diane’s feller, though.  She was giggling entirely too much the whole dang day.

I feel sorry for these folks over here—they have to drink hot beer and cold coffee.  Diane said there’s an American company over here that serves their coffee hot.  I aim to go there shortly.  But first, we all needed a bite to eat, so Diane’s feller, practical joker that he is, took us to a bar called the Hung, Drawn, and Quartered.  I get the hangin’ part but don’t see how the rest of it is needed, plus, it sort of put me off my feed.  Mama needs to show them people how to cook, for the Tasty Chicken has the best food in Wyoming Territory, and I’m spoiled.  It’s fun to try new things, though, even when I had to keep a close eye on Diane’s beau to make sure he didn’t play any more tricks on me.

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Where's Honey...Day 4 continued

We spent a lot of time in this big building.  You could put the whole of Fry Pan Gulch in it.  More people, too.  I’m getting a mite homesick for dirt roads and buildings small enough you can throw a rock over them.  Speaking of which, I met up with an ugly rock feller called Easter.  Shy, though—not too talkative.  

Then Diane took me to see what she called a knight.  I read about them in a book.  They ride around dressed in steel jackets, skirts, and hats, and poke at each other with long sticks.  Don’t make much sense to me.  They all ought to visit Fry Pan Gulch, for I’d be glad to show them around.  They can leave their 
sticks home, though.  We have plenty.

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Where's Honey...Day 4

We went and seen lots of stuff today...

I thought they was outhouses but turns out they have these here talking machines called telephones in them.  Diane's feller tried to lock me in but I got him later when we went to this big building with lots of stuff in it.  That included a horse made out of rock, only they forgot the legs and ears. 

At least the horse has a head--that's more than I can say for some of those stone people.  Maybe it's why they couldn't read that there rock.  

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Where's Honey...Day 3

Can you guess today's sights?

Diane put me on one if these here buses.  I wasn’t too keen on the notion, what with the smell and all.  Besides, they go faster than even Pickles, my black racing mule.  It was a sunny day, at least for this neck of the woods—we get a lot more sun back home—so off we went to see some cliffs.  Now why in tarnation she had to take me halfway around the world to see some cliffs is beyond me.  But there they are.  I admit, they are kind of pretty, white as they are and all.

Let me tell you, Leeds Castle is quite a place.  You could put the Tasty Chicken Emporium in it a dozen times over.  If Mama had this place, she’d make a mint.  And take a look at this wine barrel.  Now, if it was filled with fine Kentucky Bourbon, it would make some old cowhands mighty happy.  Diane didn’t even let me have a snort—or kick up a game of poker in the parlor.  Then again, you could play base-ball in that there parlor.  Several of them.